Body Love, Career, Emotional Health, Financial Health, Gratitude

Are You Settling?

February 21, 2015

We throw around the verb “settle” a lot these days. In the context of dating people say, “I know I want a mate, but I just won’t settle“. Or as it pertains to finding a job we say, “I know I need a job, but I just don’t want to settle“. I most often hear it in the context of relationships. It comes up in conversation almost daily. People telling me what they will and won’t settle for. Many times drawing a line in the sand when it comes to choosing a mate or partner, but not making the same distinction in other areas of their life, such as health or finances. Are you settling for a life that is less than what you want? By the end of this post you’ll be able to answer this question for yourself. You’ll be able to take stock of how settling has seeped into your life and has affected your pursuit of your dreams and the life you’ve always imagined!

So what’s interesting is that the verb “settle” evokes a very passive emotion for me. It’s quite a sad little verb. In the context here, it means to be satisfied with. Or put another way, to settle for less. Almost everything I found in my research was about settling for less than you deserve in relationships. It was the prevailing theme. But too often we also settle for less than we deserve in other areas of our life.

wellbeingThere are five essential areas of well-being that according to tons of research, we require for happiness. [Read Well-Being: The Five Essential Elements to learn more.] These five areas are: social, financial, career, health/physical, and community. These five areas each require our quality time and commitment, but  its quite challenging to always provide it in equal amounts.  Sometimes we fall short in a particular area. If we are thriving in our career, then our relationships may suffer. We may not be devoting the time to nurturing those relationships because we are so busy growing a business or climbing the “ladder to success”. This balancing act is just a part of life and we all have to do it. But as I was thinking about this topic I realized that so many people are just as afraid to even want more in other areas of life. They have stopped dreaming and fallen into the humdrum of life. Many have become content with the “good enough”.  Like there is something wrong with wanting more. So while you may draw a line in the sand for relationships, what do you consider to be settling in terms of your finances, your health, your spiritual time, your career, or your community involvement?

I want you to give you some questions to consider and get you thinking about whether or not you have settled. 

  • Do you have the body you want? I know I don’t. That’s why I typically stretch myself because I want transformation. I am not okay with settling for less than I have. Are you eating foods that fuel and nourish you? Are you exercising regularly to get your heart pumping and to make you feel alive and strong? Exercise is not just about looking good, studies have shown that movement changes the physiology of the body and has a direct impact on the mind as well. Those endorphins coursing through your body give you energy to do and live your life in a completely different way. What are you willing to do to get the body you want?
  • What about your finances? Are you able to live in abundance? By this I mean, having all of your needs met and still have left over to do all of the things you want. For each person this is different and you have to define for yourself what that looks like for you. For me that means taking my boys on a great vacation each year. This goes beyond just getting my bills paid. I want time away to see the world and experience what else is out there. This drive to experience makes me see beyond the things I must do to the things I want to do. It drives me to push myself to create the life I want. Are there things that you want to do, but have given up dreaming about, because you don’t think you will ever get to do them because of finances?
  • What about your spiritual time? I used to jump out of bed ready to tackle my day. The world has a way of tugging at you. Everything is coming at us demanding our time. From the time I wake up that little light from my smartphone is calling me. It can be hard to push it aside and just spend the first hour focused on connecting with my spirit and the Creator. Before I do anything else I have to acknowledge the blessings I have and what I am grateful for. To connect with the source of all that is. To breathe and just sit with myself before I jump into the busyness of life. This time is important to me. How do you start your day? Are you carving out enough time for yourself at the beginning of each day?
  • What about your love life? I heard somewhere that every woman has the exact love life that she wants. When I first heard it I got upset because it sounded like it was blaming women for being single. But as I dug deeper, I realized that it was about stretching yourself and owning your own power to transform your love life. If you are in an unhappy marriage, what are you doing to reconnect? Over time people grow and sometimes you grow apart.  Look for ways to renew the passion in your relationship. If you are single, is that what you want for your life, to remain so? If the answer is no, then what are you going to do to generate an energy that shows the opposite sex that you are interested in connecting and open to dating? You may be giving off signals that tells him, STOP and go the other way. Be aware of your body language and your facial expressions. It is 80% of all communication. What you say is the other 20%. Are they congruent? If they are not, then there is usually a reason. Be clear about what that is so you can take responsibility for where you are in your love life. It’s okay if you don’t have time for love right now, just be honest with yourself so you can stop feeling bad about the fact that you may not be in a relationship and are still single. What type of love life do you want right now?
  • What about your career? Are you doing work that you love? If you answered yes, Bravo! If you answered no, Why? What’s stopping you from doing work that gets you up every day excited. Not because you must but because you want to, you must. You would do it for free if money was no object. That’s how I feel about coaching and helping women. I love it! I love technology, creating, and connecting! I found a way to combine all three to create a business I love and ultimately a life I want. Although a steady paycheck is good, it never compares with unlimited earning potential and the freedom that comes from managing my own time. And while building a business is hard work, the process excites me. Its the life I want and I will continue to keep striving for what I want. What are you willing to do for the career you see for yourself?

What I know now is that people have the life that they want! They choose to live a life based on what they have told themselves in their mind. You mind is quite powerful and it has the power to control your actions. People go after the things they want. They don’t let anything stop them. It’s up to you to decide what you really want! Life is too short to live it in a state of settling. Don’t you want, as Tony calls it, the juice of life? The energy, passion, and enthusiasm of knowing that you are living an extraordinary life!

Today I want you to shift your mindset, if you settling! Don’t be okay with it any longer! Decide that you are going to start living the life that you want. Start focusing on having more gratitude, grace, joy, passion, energy, compassion, and kindness in your life. Emotions that will carry you towards a life of abundance. The opposite of settling! Not just when it comes to choose a mate, but in all the key areas of life!

I hope that this post inspired you to go for your dreams or to continue on your path to fulfilling your dreams! Don’t stop pursuing! We need more risk takers and way makers in our world to show us what is possible! I for one, will not settle, and I hope after you read this, you will decide that you won’t either!

Until next week,



How Using the Three C’s Leads to Greater Happiness!

February 14, 2015

It used to be that the formula for success was to dominate whatever field you were in and to beat your competitors. Your goal was just to be the best, and to isolate yourself from the field of players so you would stand out. Isolation helped you focus so you could channel all of your energy towards accomplishing your goals. What we now know, is that type of thinking leads to unhappiness and unsustainable achievement. Communication, Connection, and Collaboration is the new way to success and true happiness! I call them my three C’s. Today it’s common to see individuals and business owners communicating, collaborating and connecting both online and offline to promote and market their brands and themselves. And in our personal lives, we crave connection as well. Just looking at the rise in social media over the past five years, we see that the world is getting smaller and smaller as everyone is getting connected, globally. While its great to be linked online, you must take it a step further and form real connections. Finding like-minded individuals online is as easy as a hashtag. Make it your business to be more than a voyeur and don’t just follow but comment and reach out. Don’t be afraid to email that person you are connected to and look for ways to collaborate and to support one another, whether personally and professionally. It does take courage, but you never know where a new connection will lead. It may be as simple as a new business connection that helps you grow your brand, your career, or as big as a new friend that enhances your life. I have even read some amazing stories of relationships starting online, so you can even find l-o-v-e.

So the question is, do you have the courage to reach out? Can you step out of your comfort zone and try something new to start engaging in a way you never have before?

Most people just follow others online and read what they write, they may even click the “like” button, but they never comment, connect, or even engage beyond that. We are all humans, we have the need to connect with one another, it is an innate need that we are each born with. And if you are saying to yourself, “I don’t need connection”, I think you are lying to yourself, because we all need it. Some not as much as others, but we all do on some level.

Since credibility is now weighed by how many followers you have instead of your longevity, experience, or by the dues you have paid, its easy to see why people are skeptical. As the mainstream media jumps onboard with this, and the concept of trending and “going viral” is the new measure of achievement, its easy to get daunted. Let me assure you there is no such thing as an overnight success. Hard work is still the name of the game. Success comes after preparation and opportunity meet. Continue to hone your craft and be so good that when people come to you, you actually know what you are talking about and can genuinely help them. You are not a flash in the pan, you are the real deal, not a trending topic or a “viral” fluke. The ones who are just smoke and mirrors always reveal themselves in the end and genuinely talented, creative, hard-working, and knowledgeable always win out in the end. They endure. They are able to sustain real careers for the long haul. The people at the highest level are looking for people like you who have been honing your craft and now just need a platform to showcase your talent. Give them a place to go to connect. Create a platform. Be a part of the conversation.

So I want to challenge you today! I want to you to stop waiting for tomorrow for things to happen for you. Look at your life and determine if you are going to stand on the sidelines watching everyone find happiness and success, or if you are going to be courageous enough to start creating real connections of your own. Whether that is online or offline.

What dream are you holding? What will it take to make it happen? Be bold, be brave. No one is better than you, even so-called celebrities. They are people who are just like you, more people just know who they are. You are just an unknown star! Start being a part of the conversation, because everyone has something to contribute. What conversation are you passionate about? Is it Social Justice? Education? Better Relationships? Fashion? Spirituality? Its not to late to join the conversation and become a key player in making a difference, whether large or small. Use the power of technology and make it work for you. And while not everyone wants grand success, its time for you to stop playing small.

Motivated yet? Inspired? Good! I want you to know that you can create the life you want. In fact, I’m passionate about helping you to see that! Life is too short. I am constantly reminded of that. If you died tomorrow would you be happy with your legacy and what you have done with your time and talent? If your answer is no, then what are you waiting for? Get busy creating the life you always imagined. It all starts with a dream and the three C’s; connection, communication, and collaboration! Make it work for you and start being much happier today!

Homework Assignment:

  • Write out 1-2 key areas that you are passionate about.
  • Write down the work you would like to do in that area.
  • Who in that space would you like to connect with?

Tip: Twitter is one of the best platforms for immediate connection. Your next collaboration is a only one click away. Its also a great way to learn more about what’s happening in your passion area. There’s no way you can read everything that’s going on in your space, but collectively you can learn from others. It will amaze you how many people will connect with you and be willing to collaborate. Don’t be afraid to reach out and make the first move.


Emotional Health

7 Strategies for Managing Overwhelm in Your Life

February 7, 2015
juggling your life

This week I must have spoken to at least five different women business owners who were all struggling with the same issue. How do I continue to actualize and be creative in my business while juggling the responsibilities of my personal life? This is a complex problem and one that doesn’t have an easy answer because everyone has different needs. Before discussing some possible strategies, let’s delve into the issue a little more.

A lot of solopreneurs and small business owners have to wear multiple hats if they’re gonna get things done.  They are juggling many different aspects of their lives at the same time and are doing everything possible to keep everything going. Wearing all of these hats, doesn’t always leave women time for doing some of the things that making them feel fulfilled and happy.  And while we know the importance of balance, there’s just not enough hours in the day for us to do all of the things that demand our time, even when we carefully plan. I know you made your to-list today! This is more compounded when you have a family or little ones depending on you. Or you want to get in a workout, run errands, do laundry, eat healthy, socialize with friends, attend to social media, respond to emails, be an attentive wife, girlfriend, etc. I’m exhausted just writing the list! If you’re anything like me, you also have this highly creative faucet that keeps gushing out and you want to develop, to share with the world, you absolutely must, its vital to your happiness! Business owners love the freedom and flexibility of running our own businesses, but we face real challenges of trying to balance it all in a way that serves us and how we want to live our lives. Continue Reading…