We throw around the verb “settle” a lot these days. In the context of dating people say, “I know I want a mate, but I just won’t settle“. Or as it pertains to finding a job we say, “I know I need a job, but I just don’t want to settle“. I most often hear it in the context of relationships. It comes up in conversation almost daily. People telling me what they will and won’t settle for. Many times drawing a line in the sand when it comes to choosing a mate or partner, but not making the same distinction in other areas of their life, such as health or finances. Are you settling for a life that is less than what you want? By the end of this post you’ll be able to answer this question for yourself. You’ll be able to take stock of how settling has seeped into your life and has affected your pursuit of your dreams and the life you’ve always imagined!
So what’s interesting is that the verb “settle” evokes a very passive emotion for me. It’s quite a sad little verb. In the context here, it means to be satisfied with. Or put another way, to settle for less. Almost everything I found in my research was about settling for less than you deserve in relationships. It was the prevailing theme. But too often we also settle for less than we deserve in other areas of our life.
There are five essential areas of well-being that according to tons of research, we require for happiness. [Read Well-Being: The Five Essential Elements to learn more.] These five areas are: social, financial, career, health/physical, and community. These five areas each require our quality time and commitment, but its quite challenging to always provide it in equal amounts. Sometimes we fall short in a particular area. If we are thriving in our career, then our relationships may suffer. We may not be devoting the time to nurturing those relationships because we are so busy growing a business or climbing the “ladder to success”. This balancing act is just a part of life and we all have to do it. But as I was thinking about this topic I realized that so many people are just as afraid to even want more in other areas of life. They have stopped dreaming and fallen into the humdrum of life. Many have become content with the “good enough”. Like there is something wrong with wanting more. So while you may draw a line in the sand for relationships, what do you consider to be settling in terms of your finances, your health, your spiritual time, your career, or your community involvement?
I want you to give you some questions to consider and get you thinking about whether or not you have settled.
- Do you have the body you want? I know I don’t. That’s why I typically stretch myself because I want transformation. I am not okay with settling for less than I have. Are you eating foods that fuel and nourish you? Are you exercising regularly to get your heart pumping and to make you feel alive and strong? Exercise is not just about looking good, studies have shown that movement changes the physiology of the body and has a direct impact on the mind as well. Those endorphins coursing through your body give you energy to do and live your life in a completely different way. What are you willing to do to get the body you want?
- What about your finances? Are you able to live in abundance? By this I mean, having all of your needs met and still have left over to do all of the things you want. For each person this is different and you have to define for yourself what that looks like for you. For me that means taking my boys on a great vacation each year. This goes beyond just getting my bills paid. I want time away to see the world and experience what else is out there. This drive to experience makes me see beyond the things I must do to the things I want to do. It drives me to push myself to create the life I want. Are there things that you want to do, but have given up dreaming about, because you don’t think you will ever get to do them because of finances?
- What about your spiritual time? I used to jump out of bed ready to tackle my day. The world has a way of tugging at you. Everything is coming at us demanding our time. From the time I wake up that little light from my smartphone is calling me. It can be hard to push it aside and just spend the first hour focused on connecting with my spirit and the Creator. Before I do anything else I have to acknowledge the blessings I have and what I am grateful for. To connect with the source of all that is. To breathe and just sit with myself before I jump into the busyness of life. This time is important to me. How do you start your day? Are you carving out enough time for yourself at the beginning of each day?
- What about your love life? I heard somewhere that every woman has the exact love life that she wants. When I first heard it I got upset because it sounded like it was blaming women for being single. But as I dug deeper, I realized that it was about stretching yourself and owning your own power to transform your love life. If you are in an unhappy marriage, what are you doing to reconnect? Over time people grow and sometimes you grow apart. Look for ways to renew the passion in your relationship. If you are single, is that what you want for your life, to remain so? If the answer is no, then what are you going to do to generate an energy that shows the opposite sex that you are interested in connecting and open to dating? You may be giving off signals that tells him, STOP and go the other way. Be aware of your body language and your facial expressions. It is 80% of all communication. What you say is the other 20%. Are they congruent? If they are not, then there is usually a reason. Be clear about what that is so you can take responsibility for where you are in your love life. It’s okay if you don’t have time for love right now, just be honest with yourself so you can stop feeling bad about the fact that you may not be in a relationship and are still single. What type of love life do you want right now?
- What about your career? Are you doing work that you love? If you answered yes, Bravo! If you answered no, Why? What’s stopping you from doing work that gets you up every day excited. Not because you must but because you want to, you must. You would do it for free if money was no object. That’s how I feel about coaching and helping women. I love it! I love technology, creating, and connecting! I found a way to combine all three to create a business I love and ultimately a life I want. Although a steady paycheck is good, it never compares with unlimited earning potential and the freedom that comes from managing my own time. And while building a business is hard work, the process excites me. Its the life I want and I will continue to keep striving for what I want. What are you willing to do for the career you see for yourself?
What I know now is that people have the life that they want! They choose to live a life based on what they have told themselves in their mind. You mind is quite powerful and it has the power to control your actions. People go after the things they want. They don’t let anything stop them. It’s up to you to decide what you really want! Life is too short to live it in a state of settling. Don’t you want, as Tony calls it, the juice of life? The energy, passion, and enthusiasm of knowing that you are living an extraordinary life!
Today I want you to shift your mindset, if you settling! Don’t be okay with it any longer! Decide that you are going to start living the life that you want. Start focusing on having more gratitude, grace, joy, passion, energy, compassion, and kindness in your life. Emotions that will carry you towards a life of abundance. The opposite of settling! Not just when it comes to choose a mate, but in all the key areas of life!
I hope that this post inspired you to go for your dreams or to continue on your path to fulfilling your dreams! Don’t stop pursuing! We need more risk takers and way makers in our world to show us what is possible! I for one, will not settle, and I hope after you read this, you will decide that you won’t either!
Until next week,